Letters from Loonville

I've been perusing "The Book of If" with icebreaker conversation for potential babe pickup banter in mind. You may be familiar with this collection of "If" questions such as:

If you were sentenced and scheduled for execution, what would you choose as your last meal?
(I wouldn't care, as long as I could cook it)

If you could go back into the past and kill one historical figure, who would it be?
(I would choose Yoko Ono)

If you could go into the future and kill one person, who would it be?
(Probably not really among the questions in the book)

If you could exchange your rectangular front door for a door of any other shape, what shape would it be?
(Mobius strip)

If you could take one unwieldy item and make it portable, what item would that be?
(I would choose a javelina. Also known as the peccary or musk hog, this 80 - 200 pound wild pig is native to the American Southwest and parts of Mexico. Cursed by Nature with tusks much longer than its attention span, this creature, in briefcase or pocket edition could, in my opinion, liven up the dullest social affairs. Why, you might as well throw those coffee table books away once L'il Musky gets down to business amidst the guests at your next suburban soiree)